When I got baptized, my life was a big mess. I was deep in depression, very isolated, and full of shame. I didn’t feel anything when I came up out of the water because I did not believe in my heart that I was worthy to receive forgiveness. What drove me into church was the pursuit of a better life; what Jesus had for me was deliverance from unworthiness.
God has a way of getting us where we need to go, to get us what we need to come through in our faith; to receive freedom and the abundant life He promises. It took a special group of ladies to receive my story in love, to understand the specific brokenness I experienced and help me understand that my life choices did not condemn me. I was much like the persistent widow (Luke 18:1-8); I begged for help from anyone that would listen. It looked bad I’m sure, but I know that my cry for help was heard and I landed where I needed to land.
I was introduced to a counselor. A gifted woman who could take all my anger, hatred, frustration, wounds, and desperation and turn my face to God. She helped me to know God, receive forgiveness, and accept His grace. It took a year of counseling and mentoring to bring me to a place where I could really receive the love of God, His forgiveness, and break free from my shame.
Although God knew what I had been through; I had to surrender my unworthiness. Talking about the circumstances of my life allowed God into my broken places so that I could be healed. I spent a lot of time in the Psalms and in the stories of the women of the New Testament who led lives that were less than their created value. These women were seen as unworthy to speak, to be healed or forgiven. But God saw them differently, and through Jesus these women were blessed and called worthy. Therefore, I am worthy. Therefore, you are worthy.
The cry of my heart was Psalm 51:7-10 (NLT) Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me – now let me rejoice. Don’t keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt. Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.
If your life looks less than Christian, please be encouraged; you are accepted in the Beloved (Ephesians 1:6 NKJV). If you are looking for help and can’t find it, don’t give up. There are so many resources in every city and every church or even online to get you what you need to find freedom. Remember, you are freely given forgiveness.
A prayer…Thank you God that I am worthy of your love. Thank you that because of what Jesus did on the Cross, I am now your child. I am made new, washed clean, and worthy to receive all that you have for me. I thank you and praise you, in Jesus name…AMEN!
You are made new!
Bible chapters and verses for study on worthiness to be forgiven: